brother frankie wrote that “there’s a little known secret that could all but eliminate some addiction issues in this country. That secret is compassion.” I wonder what kind of reaction that line would get at an AL-ANON or AL-ATEEN meeting? Back when I was really trying to get right and become like a normal person I went to first a couple of NA meetings and while I was welcomed like anyone else, there was a reaction when I said I was on methadone. An older guy who was helping run the meeting said then you are not drug free at the present time. Semantics my dear man! A girl that was there piped up that she was on suboxone yet she felt drug free and it was important for her to feel that way, like she had accomplished something. Absolutely honey! If you are using methadone or subs or whatever else then you are making an attempt and that is wonderful. Fuck that guy who said we were not drug free, we felt drug free and that is what counts. I would rather attend the AA meetings if I have to go, they are not so fucking judgmental in my humble opinion. I’ve done several detox centers, a couple different Intensive Outpatient counseling hitches, a 30 day stint at Valley Hope, a week or so at Clay’s Crossing and I know for a fact that AA/NA and the 12 Steps work, for some people. Hell it might even work for me if I ever really sat down, applied myself, found a sponsor, and worked the steps like they should be worked instead of going thru the motions, trying to find the ‘right’ answers, and counting the days till I’m out, in my car, and driving to Stinkey’s house to shoot dope.
It was a state Holiday Thursday&Friday so I spent both those days nodding out on couch, nodding out at the table, nodding out in bed, nodding out at computer – I think you get the idea. I unplugged the old land line, and put my cell on silent for four days and stayed as high as I could. Pitiful and pathetic huh? I did go to the used dvd place Sunday afternoon to look for some animated Disney flicks for my nephew then since I could not find shit I went next door to the pawn shop. I love to go to this pawn shop because it is so damn large and they have so much shit! Everything that someone could take in and get money borrowed against is there – huge flat screen HD TVs, computer systems, tools, games, game systems, Ipods, Iphones, Ipads, bikes, trikes, gold, silver, guns, bows, cars, motorcycles, they have so much used shit there that it’s amazing! It is also one of my favorite places to watch people – I even found several racks of used DVDs that I could browse thru while I watched them bring items in to try to get cash. I found out they only loan money on laptops or computer systems that have Vista or Win7. WinXP too old! A lady who looked 45 but was really probably closer to 35 (methamphetamine is hard on the body!) brought in an old sewing machine and the guy started shaking his head No as soon as she set it on the counter. She looked desperate until he asked her if she had it in before to which she said yes and then he smiled. Usually they don’t take sewing machines but if you have had it in before they will take it…lucky her. She received $25.00 and practically ran outta that place – straight to the crank-man. Another lady brings in an old silver derringer with real simulated pearl handle that she wants $150.00 for – sorry lady book only says it’s worth $60.00, will that help you? She never hesitates “yes”. A young couple come in, the woman very pregnant, the man pushing a motorbike and behind him is a small sad looking boy. Dad is pawning his minibike and he is not too happy about it! The clerk ask if they have had it in before and they have; they walk out with $200.00 in cash and a very unhappy son. As I’m leaving I wonder how long it will be before I am back in there with something of value, trying to get the most money I can so I can get the most dope I can so I can get high as I can.