long weekend and stuff

brother frankie wrote that “there’s a little known secret that could all but eliminate some addiction issues in this country. That secret is compassion.” I wonder what kind of reaction that line would get at an AL-ANON or AL-ATEEN meeting? Back when I was really trying to get right and become like a normal person I went to first a couple of NA meetings and while I was welcomed like anyone else, there was a reaction when I said I was on methadone. An older guy who was helping run the meeting said then you are not drug free at the present time. Semantics my dear man! A girl that was there piped up that she was on suboxone yet she felt drug free and it was important for her to feel that way, like she had accomplished something. Absolutely honey! If you are using methadone or subs or whatever else then you are making an attempt and that is wonderful. Fuck that guy who said we were not drug free, we felt drug free and that is what counts. I would rather attend the AA meetings if I have to go, they are not so fucking judgmental in my humble opinion. I’ve done several detox centers, a couple different Intensive Outpatient counseling hitches, a 30 day stint at Valley Hope, a week or so at Clay’s Crossing and I know for a fact that AA/NA and the 12 Steps work, for some people. Hell it might even work for me if I ever really sat down, applied myself, found a sponsor, and worked the steps like they should be worked instead of going thru the motions, trying to find the ‘right’ answers, and counting the days till I’m out, in my car, and driving to Stinkey’s house to shoot dope.

It was a state Holiday Thursday&Friday so I spent both those days nodding out on couch, nodding out at the table, nodding out in bed, nodding out at computer – I think you get the idea. I unplugged the old land line, and put my cell on silent for four days and stayed as high as I could. Pitiful and pathetic huh? I did go to the used dvd place Sunday afternoon to look for some animated Disney flicks for my nephew then since I could not find shit I went next door to the pawn shop. I love to go to this pawn shop because it is so damn large and they have so much shit! Everything that someone could take in and get money borrowed against is there – huge flat screen HD TVs, computer systems, tools, games, game systems, Ipods, Iphones, Ipads, bikes, trikes, gold, silver, guns, bows, cars, motorcycles, they have so much used shit there that it’s amazing! It is also one of my favorite places to watch people – I even found several racks of used DVDs that I could browse thru while I watched them bring items in to try to get cash. I found out they only loan money on laptops or computer systems that have Vista or Win7. WinXP too old! A lady who looked 45 but was really probably closer to 35 (methamphetamine is hard on the body!) brought in an old sewing machine and the guy started shaking his head No as soon as she set it on the counter. She looked desperate until he asked her if she had it in before to which she said yes and then he smiled. Usually they don’t take sewing machines but if you have had it in before they will take it…lucky her. She received $25.00 and practically ran outta that place – straight to the crank-man. Another lady brings in an old silver derringer with real simulated pearl handle that she wants $150.00 for – sorry lady book only says it’s worth $60.00, will that help you? She never hesitates “yes”. A young couple come in, the woman very pregnant, the man pushing a motorbike and behind him is a small sad looking boy. Dad is pawning his minibike and he is not too happy about it! The clerk ask if they have had it in before and they have; they walk out with $200.00 in cash and a very unhappy son. As I’m leaving I wonder how long it will be before I am back in there with something of value, trying to get the most money I can so I can get the most dope I can so I can get high as I can.


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4 Responses to long weekend and stuff

  1. Noah, Brother Frankie is right, compassion 4 addicts, well I’ve been on the done for 30+ yrs. & I am still hanging in there. Just commenting as I have lots to do today. Trying 2 detox down, wanna die
    Take care of you.
    P.S. Noah, I use my gmail to get ur blog, nosy kids ( grown 36 & 38 &32 )

  2. Eyelick says:

    Oh goodness, yeah the old NA thing, eye do not know what to think about clean vs not when it comes to substituting, like is it full or halfway or between those two? But some people need a cushion along the way, at least they are making an effort, opiates are like nothing else.

    Oh yes, the pawn shop. Eye slowly have disspiated m’eye entire DVD collection since coming here, except for one. The Japanese films were the last to go. Eye ALWAYS thought eye’d get them back. Nope!

    Eye had a similar weekend, well the beginning of it until Sunday. He got his pills filled, Dilaudid, Xanax, Soma, Temazepam, all on the same day, the methadone pills were scheduled a couple days later. But as a result of this weekend, we were a little retarded about securing the house even though we had 2 visits by a shady character earlier that day bc he wanted dilaudid… and we were robbed! All $70 of his money, the whole bottle of dilaudid was gone, most of the Xanax. M’eye own money/drugs were dwindling and he’s havily in debt to me, so helping him would be hard, but luckily his methadone filled that morning after the night it happened! so only had to cover him for one shot. And last night we got $400! So we’re… ok again. Should make it thru the semester. Not sure about thru til the next. But there’s always either trying the begging route which is good around christmas. Or eye have a little suboxone – but that would be really confusing when next semester starts with money again, do eye get back on heroin, stay off, do it sometimes, or just see what happens?

    Ah shit this is getting long, and eye was only going to POST today, but then read Gledwood, then checked on you, then emailed you, then did “social networking” haha. It’s dark now which means cold. Which means eye need to print the damn Spanish paper and go home.

  3. noahnodsno says:

    damn – he gets ALL the good stuff! There for a while I was getting bottles of 100 Dilaudid 4mg from a guy that had a bf that was a pharmacist…I loved them and their rush. Soma’s are good for coming down off the coke or crank then xannies mixed with methadone fuck you up something fierce, with the nods and all. Does he get all this from one doc? if so he needs to stay on this docs good side for sure. I sent a guy cash in mail for more east coast junk and he ripped me off this time dammit. Can’t trust anyone these days it seems like! thanks for checking on me Eye-chick!

  4. eyelick says:

    He has a pain management/pcp doc who’s pretty good, and a POS psychiatrist who doesn’t really care, or even remember anything they’ve discussed, who charges something like $100 for a 10 minute “med check” session and $165 for a 20 minute regular session that he’s required to do every so often. Luckily, he’s completely covered on state insurance. Sorry you got ripped off. People can be so awful! Blah wish eye could blog from the phone. The lack of such ability will make this long. Stayed up too late last night, so slept in til 2:30 today, so nothing was accomplished today, and today’s pretty depressing. Eye would just “xanax out” & spend the rest of the day/night asleep, which would certainly save other drugs, am still tired anyhow, but am supposed to wash dishes, get groceries, take out the trash, and just scoop out the litter (getting too dark to go outside and scrub the boxes.) Awful, eye hate the beginning of the month’s shopping, it’s all by bus and after dark gets too cold, now. So no “day off” this week

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