starry starry night…

Ho Ho Ho! Hope everyone had a merry fucking Christmas and will enjoy a drunken orgy of pleasure on New Years Eve. I had a nice Christmas Day with Melinda(a girl I met the other night at a party), and 2 grams of tar in a sleazy motel room – after which we went out to eat at the IHOP but I ended puking most of my pancakes up but I was so high even puking was enjoyable. Melinda acted as my tour guide and took me to this scenic overlook type place late last night and it was just amazing when the skies are clear how fantastically bright and beautiful the night sky looks with the stars almost close enough to touch…Colorado is truly a wonderful place to star gaze if you are into that sort of thing. I did for awhile but got cold quickly and got in the car while M stayed out there looking for the longest time…I finally honked the horn and startled the hell out of her, pissed her off too, but got her ‘back down to earth’ so we could leave. Probably going to head back to Oklahoma after New Year’s Day, maybe on the 2nd – I’ve got to file for unemployment and all that good stuff before I run out of moo-lah. Thank the Gods for MasterCard and Visa because that is what I have been living on pretty much while I’ve been here. Oh – the homeless Okie (that is what I call the guy that stayed in my room while I was incarcerated) is coming back with me to OK to see his family and maybe stay in OKC for awhile – he really saved my bacon a couple of times and I owe him at least a ride back.

I’m free in Denver!

I was released from the Simonet Detention Center in downtown cold ass Denver this morning. picked up on a public intoxication charge but I had only had 2 drinks…I was really so damn high that I could not focus or walk right! Damn good tar here in Denver – Wow! they found a cooker in my backpack( my salvation kit was back in my motel room ) but the cop just threw it into a trash can, never saying a word. what the hell am I doing in Denver anyway? After I was ‘let go’ from my job I needed to get away for awhile so I asked my sister to check the house and get the mail then took off to visit my step brother who happens to live in Denver, but I did not call before I left and when I got here he was nowhere to be found! In this scummy dive of a bar down the road from my motel I met a guy who had an OU Sooners shirt on, started talking to him, found out he was homeless and broke but knew how to get some preemo H and the rest is history. He stayed in my room for 2 days while I was in lockup and got me well when I finally made it back to the motel, sick as fucking hell, covered in dry puke and shit, looking like and feeling like DEATH. More LATER.

old country song

my dad used to listen to this old country song and the words went ‘wasted days and wasted nights I have left for you behind for you don’t belong to me your heart belongs to someone else’ I always liked the very first part of that song because that is what I am planning on doing this drizzly, cold, grey weekend unless I’m at the casino (the no-no as a friend calls it) but if I don’t win some money right after I get there, most of my time will be spent in the bar as cash is tight with property taxes due very soon. it’s nice owning a home but if you don’t keep everything paid up on it you won’t own it for long. various casino’s have what they call ‘hot seats’ and how they work is if you are playing a certain slot machine using your players club card and that slot machine’s number comes up whomever is sitting there playing wins cash. Saturday night they have $500.00 hot seats every hour and random $1000.00 hot seats throughout the night so there is more than one way to win at the no-nos.

long weekend and stuff

brother frankie wrote that “there’s a little known secret that could all but eliminate some addiction issues in this country. That secret is compassion.” I wonder what kind of reaction that line would get at an AL-ANON or AL-ATEEN meeting? … Continue reading →

internet shopping

my order from the Silk Road arrived in the mail on Saturday – some beige colored East coast junk. it was inside a tiny, tiny plastic bag which was inside another bigger baggie with all the air sucked outta it…vacuum packed? which was inside of a disc mailer. Looked professionally done. anyhoo since it was reputed to be “fire sacks” I did a small shot first, and felt a little so I increased to the point of where I got off really well and most of it was gone! Damn. I guess that our nasty old tar is just as potent, and in some cases even stronger than that East coast stuff. Too expensive, and I was too paranoid about the whole thing. we had it sent to J’s mom’s address (she is ummm indisposed at the moment at the Adult Crisis Center Griffin Memorial Hospital) so it was all OK though. The mail definitely would work for me if I could find a reliable source coz my F2F connex are one less after this weekend and that is bad news for me. you have to also use bitcoins for money and it is a hassle getting them into your ewallet to use on the Silk Road. A guy I was chatting to there said his ewallet had been hacked several times so I kept mine on a flash or thumb drive and did not make it active until I was ready to released my funds. Great idea but everything is expensive as hell, 1 Oxy 30mg tab was like 35.00 but they had everything you could want and I mean everything! K, acid, 4-FA, “pure fish scale coke” MDA, MDMA, and shit I had never heard of before. So my bartender girl had to go back home, which is somewhere in southern Texas. Her dad is having some heart issues and is scheduled this week for heart surgery to clean out some stints he had put in 12 years ago and add 2 more while they are in there. She won’t be back until after the New Year so that just really puts me in a bad situation. Stinky thinks right now that I’m using him because I want to, but once he finds out that I have to use him he will start his little tricks and shit. I absolutely HAVE to find someone else, actually a couple of ppl would be nice. Too bad the Silk Road is such a hassle…damn DEA, FBI, NSA, and Postal Inspectors! heh. in other news yesterday my exgf decides to come out and get her winter clothes that she left there in a big box in my closet. then she decides to help me clean up the closet, then my bedroom, so we are in the bedroom together and she tells me that she wants to sleep with me but can’t! “I don’t want you to get the wrong idea about us or anything” of course I assure her over and over and over again that I am not going to think that after we sleep together she should move back in, but in the end it just does not work and I just wish she never would have even brought it up. dammit – I’ll never understand chicks. they are just wound differently. not necessarily bad just different.

stuff

Number 1 sister bought her daughter a new Tahoe and she sold me her other car which was a 2009 Hyundai Accent with only 14,000 miles on it. She felt sorry for me driving that old truck I think so she sold it too me way cheap and it was really very nice of her. Gets like 40 miles a gallon and I can drive it to work all week on $25.00 worth of gas. After driving that 4 wheel drive truck and sitting up high when I drive this it feels like my ass is dragging on the road though. I’ll keep my truck for bad weather and to haul stuff so I’m a two car person now. J called it a Korean Volkswagen because it sounds like a Volkswagen going down the road – especially when u get up to about 85 mph – engine is loud! so J and I went on a coke run last night and we had to go to south Robinson to get P who knows the coke-man very well. we drove to some broken down looking apartments, dropped him off with the money, then drove around while we waited on his ass to come strolling out which he did after what seemed a good hour…more like 25 minutes but you get the idea. P always gets a couple of rocks for his trouble but we want the powder and this guy has great powder. he buys 6 oz at a time and makes most of it into crack but sells some powder too. Thats what we like yummy. It’s all chunky but after you chop, chop, chop it up with the old razor blade you have a large amount for $100.00 and then when you add that to your smack OMG talk about one hell of a rush! Goddamn it is fine. So P is like 50, or maybe older he used to be a roofer but his back is in such bad shape now that he can’t work, he is also undocumented so he can’t get any help at all and lives in the back of this old house that probably should be condemned. Because of where it is located there on Robinson often the working girls stop in to get high between dates so P calls them his ‘girls’ but they just like to use his room with its electric heaters to get warm while they are getting high. I waited on him in his room a couple of times to make a run and the girls just come in thru his window like they own the place, first time it happened kinda freaked me out a bit. I’ve often asked P if he knows where I could get another tar connection but he always tells me to stay away from that shit and won’t talk at all about it which is unfortunate because he knows a lot of working girls and I would bet that several of them use it too. You would think that since Texas is the only state between Mexico and Oklahoma there would be more H here but it is not easy to find, much less keep a stable connection. I’ve been pretty lucky in that I found several that have it almost all the time but the main guy who I call Stinkey is a real jerk with it. Raising the price just coz he happens to be in a bad mood that day, or not answering his phone just because he does not want to, then he gets pissed when I go and find someone else that wants to sell it. It’s hard enough to stay well and hold down a job plus run around enough so I find someone with it all the time. The girl I have been using lately has the best shit and will answer her phone just about anytime I call and I met her thru a girl I met at the clinic and gave her a ride home. It pays to be nice to ppl in need sometimes. It’s taken me over 2 hrs to write this and I forgot what I was going a couple of times so I better end it now. Be safe.

wedding hells bells

attended my 3rd sisters (which means she is 3rd in order of birth – I have six sisters unfortunately) wedding Saturday and I was actually included in the wedding this time against the sister’s better judgement so I heard. The wedding was held in this big hall out by the lake and the final rehearsal(i skipped the first) was at 2:00 pm on wedding day, actual wedding is at 5:00 pm. So as an usher I’m supposed to escort the older female family members to their assigned seats, all very courtly and proper(I had to wear a tuxedo – hate those bow-ties) and it sounds easy because each chair has the family member’s name on it…no problems right? FAIL! After rehearsal all the last-minute crap is being taken care of so I slip out to my truck for a small shot before wedding and of course spend too long trying to hit the vein so when I get back number 1 sister is angry and looking for me because the pastor has some last-minute instructs for ‘his’ ushers. As he is telling us a couple of things I notice that they have 4 large 15.5 gallon kegs in plastic cut down trash containers covered in ice, and behind that there are bottles and bottles of vodka, whiskey, gin, and basically every alcoholic beverage known to mankind. wow. The reception is going to rock, then a bit later I hear they have a DJ coming out to play music. Wedding/Reception/Drunken dance party. Nice. so as I’m doing my usher duties I realize that these old ladies are going to sit where they want to sit no matter what the sign on the chair says and if you try to reason with them they will tell you to get fucked. Literally. so I just started taking them to where they wanted and in the end it all worked out well. I gained another brother-in-law (C) and my sis gained a 12 yr old step son with very long hair that hangs down in his eyes who talk about skateboarding and skateboards nonstop. After wedding there was picture time, after picture time there was smash cake in bride/grooms face, bride/groom dance, drink, the lighting of the Unity candle (?) and finally yes! we can change out of these monkey suits! So I’m gone like 1.5 hrs changing and recharging (ahem ) and when I get back about half the wedding crowd is gone, the DJ is playing music, and rest of the wedding crowd are already loud, obnoxious, and well on their way to being puking sick shortly! yeah. Ugh. I actually did try 1 cup of beer (Shiner Bock) but I held the cup wrong I guess and got almost all foam. Never been a drinker, most of it tastes like shit anyway I think. See I do write about other things in this blog besides black tar heroin, syringes, spoons, filters, veins, fixing, copping, and all that good stuff! If I can get some pics I’ll try to post a few on here later.

typical addict behavior

I’m dreading the FUCK out of tomorrow – at 08:00 I have to sit thru a root canal on one of my upper molars and even though I inject myself several times a day that big stainless steel syringe that the dentist always try to hide as they numb up your mouth absolutely terrifies me! It feels like that needle is the size of an ice pick and it kind of makes a squeak noise as it slides into that soft tissue in your mouth. I know they don’t insert it very deep but it sure feels like it to me – like 4-5 inches deep! God I hate that so much and I get so nervous they take my blood pressure before they get started! Anxious as hell is an understatement – I’ll have a nice sized shot before I go in there tomorrow morning that is for damn sure.

We had several tornadoes here last evening/night – I have a storm cellar next to my house that will hold about 12 people and several ‘neighbors’ decided to come over just in case. The only time I ever see them is when tornado warnings are sounding but I don’t mind.

For Sale

East Coast powder for sale online. Looks yummy indeed huh? I can’t remember the price exactly but it was rather expensive. Take a trip on the Silk Road for more ‘bargains’ heh.

Sat night I’m laying on couch nodding(of course) with the TV on college football, waiting on J and his gf to show up so we can go out to the Jockey Club inside a casino close to my place and at 10:53 pm I hear the dishes on the table start to rattle, then my house starts shaking, groaning, and creaking like an old wooden ship in a storm. WTF?! I notice then the couch is moving but not up/down it’s moving left/right – the whole time I hear like a deep bass like moaning. Yes folks it was an earthquake, right here in Oklahoma and it was a 5.6 on the scale and it lasted 58 seconds. Usually I’m dodging tornadoes, or high winds, but not earthquakes! Not to be outdone – in the weather scene today (Nov 7th 2011) they are forecasting tornadoes, large hail, and strong winds for this area later this afternoon. Fucked up weather in Oklahoma and earthquakes too. I need to move to Seattle.

the ‘wait’.

Damn I hate the ‘wait’, seems like I’m waiting all the effin time. Supposed to meet her this morning at 5:30 at the clinic where she takes her sister but of course I get there about 10 minutes late and no sign of her! Did I miss her? Call her phone now dammit! Shit! Even her voice mail is full – hell it’s always full and she keeps it that way so junkies like me cannot leave desperate messages like “where the hell are you! I’m need to get well badly!!” so eye (heh!)wait. Anxiously biting the nubs of what once were fingernails I check out each oncoming car hoping that the next one will be her. While doing the ‘wait’ time passes so slowly that you are sure it’s been 1/2 an hour yet when you glance at your watch it has been a little over 9 minutes! WTF! All sorts of scenes play out in my head: she was pulled over and popped, she overslept and right now is warm in bed while I sit here waiting, there was a wreck on the expressway so she is sitting there in traffic not moving and getting angry thinking to hell with this I’m going back home!, even though it has never happened yet just this one time she happens to be out and cannot get anymore…Gah!! Cmon girl!
Please show up! I repeat this over and over – it’s become my mantra Please show up please show up. About this time I regret drinking that Coke this morning because now I have to piss badly! fuck!shit! I’m thinking about going into the clinic to piss when from behind a Cintas truck (“We are the Uniform People”) she pulls in right behind me. I glance at my watch 7:28, she is almost 2 hours late, not too bad. The sister exits the passenger side and hurries across the street to the clinic while I’m watching in my rear view mirror, then my girl leaves her car and gets in my truck. The smell of her perfume envelopes me, mmmmmm damn she smells good but I’m anxious, nervous, and irritable so give me the shit dammit. She mutters “Sorry, sis was late getting around” as she hands me 2 black plastic wrapped balls. I hand her the cash which she counts then sticks in the front pocket of her jeans “call me later on and I’ll tell ya where to meet for the other thing” she says and then pops open the door and is gone. The other thing is buy for the weekend which will involve considerably mo-money which I happened to win at the casino last night (Triple Freedom Reels-3 dollar bet for $900.00 yes!) and I can even buy some freakin groceries now. I pull out and head over to the Valero station over on north Kelly where they have an old car wash and behind that a wooden fence that hides your car perfectly once you pull in and you can leave by going forward or backward just in case. I get situated and pull out my salvation bag then pop open the glove box for the small bottle of Dasani ‘tap’ water and fix a smallish pick-me-up. That was the easy part, the hard part is finding a fucking vein that I have access to and that will cooperate with me. By now my nose is starting run and I’m having to sniff it back up in there every couple of seconds and it’s driving me crazy! I take 3 breaths and then sniff, 3 breaths then sniff…grrrrr. I end up having to take my Doc Marten boot off of 1 foot and there by my knobby ankle I find a vein that is small but will work if I go everrrr sooooo slooowwwwly…awwww taste in mouth, face flushing a bit, mmmmmm yes thatsss got it. “That’s how to feel better” I say out loud in a hoarse, raspy voice. I clean up, get my boot back on, light a smoke then head off to work. I notice that my nose is no longer running heh. The ‘wait’ was of course worth it. If you score the ‘wait’ is always worth it.